Finding My Way Through a Difficult Time

To make an excuse or not
To make an excuse or not

For months I was in a slump. As you can see, I haven't posted anything in a very long time. I wasn't feeling very good about myself, my life or my choices so I believed that I had nothing valuable to contribute. I was taught, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Well, I was feeling destroyed, victimized, sad and depressed. This was not something I really wanted to share with the world. At the beginning of November I was betrayed, big time. As the months rolled out, I lost the games I created, every one of them, as well as the intellectual property, trademark and copyrights that I created. It's a long, sad and very weird story. At a certain point, I realized that I might have to walk away from them because the guy who was doing this seemed off balance and his perspective was definitely not the same as what I saw as "reality." But I didn't really think the end result would be that the games would no longer be mine.

Thankfully, I have been studying Abraham-Hicks for years. They teach us to focus on what what we want, not what makes us feel bad. In a situation like this, they say to do whatever we can, to think a slightly better thought which will help us feel a little better. So I went from feeling devastated, to depressed to rageful to blameful, back to depressed and so on. I realized over and over again that whenever I thought about "what he had done to me" it took me down. So at least a thousand times a day, I brought myself back to how lucky I was to be me, to have the love and support of my community and that I trusted things would work out in the end.

I had to find a way to take care of myself in a loving way. I didn't want to shame or blame  either of us when I was connected with my Self. I began to look at my part in this whole thing and to see how I gave my power away over and over again. I did this with love and curiosity, not critically or with guilt. The more I looked, the more I understood. Although I think he had been planning the take-over for some time, what difference did that make? When I let myself think those kinds of thoughts, my energy went way down and I felt crummy. This was a great learning curve for me on how to keep looking towards what I wanted in my life, not what had already happened.

I'm really proud of how I tended to myself. Many friends told me how proud they are of me and the way that I dealt with this situation. I had to be present, to move through this one step at a time. I couldn't look to the future or the past because it was too painful and confusing. While I did listen to suggestions from people, I wouldn't take anyone's advice if it didn't feel good and right to me. I learned the hard way and now I'm listening to my own guidance.

Fortunately,  the lessons I've learned are here to stay. Never again will I ignore my intuition, deny what I'm thinking or feeling and not do something because it makes me uncomfortable. Never again will I let someone "make me" do something that doesn't feel right to me because I don't have the energy to stand up for myself. To reframe this in a positive way, I commit to listen to my inner guidance, to my wise friends and to my heart.

I am committed to moving forward in my life, shining my light, my gifts and my love. This has been very important to me and I am finding many ways to live my in this grace.